Kudos to the majority of Americans who, rather than complain about the many inconveniences and struggles associated with a global health crisis, choose instead to adapt and search for innovative ways to cope with their situation.  In many cases, this involves shelving long-standing practices or traditions.  For example, just yesterday the House of Representatives modified its rules to allow for remote voting.  And states such as Maryland now allow bars to offer take-out drinks.

When spectator sports return, stadiums and arenas will most likely be spectator-less.  But as they say, “Necessity is the mother of invention.”  Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live at Home, Golden State Warriors star Stephen Curry wondered whether NBA broadcasts would be more interesting if more players wore microphones so viewers could hear the trash talk on the court.  The NFL is considering piping crowd noise into the stadiums.  And one network has suggested they may fill the empty seats with animated fans to simulate crowd reactions.  Personally, I cannot wait to see the caricatures of the Washington Redskins “Hogs” or the Cleveland Browns “Dawg Pound.”

Among the first to confirm such a change was the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), the organization responsible for the annual Oscar presentations.  With many movie studios allowing scheduled theatrical releases to be offered directly via “on-demand” television, the Academy announced a rule change by which these films which may never play in theaters could be considered in this year’s competition.  My question is why should they stop there.  Some of the best performances in 2020 were not produced by major studies or independent filmmakers.

Therefore, I am recommending two new categories.  The first would be a major departure for the Academy.  Instead of limiting awards only to those who make movies, I suggest there be one for those who show them.  I call it, “Best Performance by a Projectionist.”  And even though the year is not yet half over, there are several performances worthy of consideration.  If held today, the nominees would be:

• Donald J. Trump for “Running on Empty” in which he accuses the Obama administration of depleting government stockpiles of personal protective equipment.
• Donald J. Trump for “A Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue” in which he accuses everybody else of everything he has failed at over the past three and a half years.
• Donald J. Trump for his starring role in a remake of Tyler Perry’s “The Family That Preys” in which he accuses Barack and Michele Obama of profiting on their public service by writing best selling memoirs.
• Donald J. Trump for his performance in the remake of “Pinocchio” in which he accuses Joe Biden of being a Chinese and Ukrainian puppet.
• And finally, Donald J. Trump in “Broadcast Fake News.”  NOTE: The Academy screener has been edited for time as the director’s cut covering all 18,000+ lies runs over five days long.

The second new category pays tribute to those individuals who feel they have been snubbed by the Academy.  Based on the current favorites, the nominees for “Best Performance in a ‘Me Too’ Role” include:

• Tara Reade in a remake of the Laurel and Hardy 1928 silent classic “The Finishing Touch.”  The film highlights her evolution from “what about me” beginning with her accusing Joe Biden of putting his hands on her shoulders and hair.  When that fails to garner the desired attention, she invokes “me too” with a charge of sexual assault.  Reviewers did question the credibility of the film’s plot by pointing out it really makes no sense to use the term “me too” when no one else has accused Biden of a similar violation.  If there had been a “Best Performance in a ‘Just Me’ Role,”  Reade would have been the hands-off favorite.
• Vice-president Mike Pence for reprising the Jim Carrey role in “Not The Mask.”  No explanation necessary.
• Jet Linx Vice-chairman and major GOP donor John Denny Carreker for “Up in the Air.”  The company which caters to CEOs and corporate executives received a $27 million bailout under the CARES Act in return for a $50,000 donation to the Republican National Committee.  Rumor has it, if Carreker does not win the Oscar he will receive the Gordon Gecko honorable mention trophy.
• Georgia Governor Brian Kemp for his performance in both title roles in the remake of “Dumb and Dumber.”  Kemp blindly followed Donald Trump’s urging to re-open the state only to be tossed under the bus when Trump questioned whether such action was too soon pending a vaccine or treatment. (Clearly a case of premature inoculation.)
• White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany in the remake of the 1973 British comedy “Don’t Just Lie There, Say Something.”  Within minutes of promising the White House press corps, “I will never lie to you” she joins the “me too” parade of Trump staff and surrogates who react to the truth like a vampire reacts to garlic, a cross and sunlight.

And that’s today’s entertainment report.  Tune in next week to learn if any of these contenders has been eliminated by more deserving competitors.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP