The covid-19 pandemic has exposed the depth of America’s fall from greatness.

~Eugene Robinson/Washington Post

As many of you know, last fall I taught at the Catholic University of the Sacred Heart in Milan.  My temporary residence was just blocks from the center city and Duomo.  Most evenings I would go to a restaurant on the Duomo plaza to watch the people and enjoy the cosmopolitan atmosphere.  As Milan became the epicenter of Europe’s pandemic experience, I stayed in touch with many of my colleagues and students, concerned about their well-being and sharing my sadness at pictures of the city which were so different from the Milan I knew.

But now, concern is redirected toward us in the USA.  They call and email me and the most voiced reaction is disbelief that America was so unprepared for and so unable to deal with this health crisis.  My own experience echos that of Robinson’s when he says “the United States is a country to be pitied.”

The lasting impact of this change in international attitude toward the U.S. will morph over time.  While Americans are dying and our economic woes impact world markets, sympathy and concern are the order of the day.  But even when life returns to some semblance of normalcy, there will be a cultural hangover, most evident once comedians and ordinary citizens again feel safe to joke about the pandemic of 2020.  How do I know this?  It is the one cultural constant throughout the history of mankind.  Considering the following.

A half-century after the end of World War II, Rodney Dangerfield still told jokes about Italian military incompetence.  “Why does the new Italian navy have glass-bottom boats?  To see the old Italian navy.”

To go back even farther, thousands of years have not erased the stereotype of homosexuals serving as foot soldiers (called “hoplites”) in ancient Greek armies. Thus the origins of the now politically incorrect WWII joke, “Greek soldiers never leave their buddies behind.”

However, nothing compares to the litany of dark humor associated with France’s response to its invasion by Nazi Germany.

• What does the new French flag look like?  A white cross emblazoned on a white background.
• What do you call a French man killed defending his country?  I don’t know either, it has never happened.
• The Warsaw Ghetto held out longer than France.

Want more?  Just Google “World War II Jokes about (COUNTRY).”  Page after page of hits.  Unless the country name you substitute is the United States.  At the top of that list is an article on FORCES.NET titled, “Our 9 Favourite WWII Jokes of All Time.”  Spelling of the word “favourite” is a dead giveaway the source is of British origin.  The targets of these wisecracks include Germans, the French and even British superior officers.  Gags about Americans?  Zero.  When was the last time you conducted a Google search with NO relevant hits?

Unfortunately, we should not expect the same treatment when it comes to the current global health crisis.  Just imagine some future Italian Dangerfield or Lewis Black including the following quip in a stand-up performance.  “Donald Trump promised the virus would miraculously disappear in April 2020.  The only things that disappeared in April were several government medical experts and 65,000 other Americans.”

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

Those of us with a slightly (or more) warped sense of humor find ourselves conflicted during times of crisis when empathy and compassion are the order of the day.  Fortunately or unfortunately, whatever gene takes us to the dark side of humor is unaffected by war, terrorism or now a global pandemic.  That became evident yesterday during a phone call with my cousin.

After checking up on each others’ well-being, we began to talk about the impact this pandemic has had on our lives.  As is now being documented in the media, we are NOT in this together.  Some of us have spacious homes and back yards where we can enjoy many routine comforts or “anti-social distancing” for a few minutes.  Some of us do not anxiously await a relief check to pay the rent or buy the next meal.  Some of us are not confined to a residential facility where one coronavirus carrier threatens the safety of a hundred others.

Despite that realization, my sick humor gene still kicks in.  First, it was the advantage of age.  “You know, there IS an up side of being seniors.  The trade off of being old is we are more likely to die from the virus, but at least we do not have to put up with our children 24/7.”

The next one-liner focused on the value of the “coronavirus alibi” to avoid things you do not want to do.   Last week I had an on-line annual checkup with my family doctor.   Having just reached the tender age of 70, he suggested I have a colonoscopy, which fortunately falls into the category of elective procedures.  “Forget the debate over the acceptable number of people who have to die to re-open the economy.  My concern is how long the shutdown needs to be in force to delay my colonoscopy.” (I cannot wait to see what Larry David comes up with for next season on Curb Your Enthusiasm.)

But as Arlo Guthrie said, “That is not what I came here to talk about.”  For me, “too soon” more aptly refers to the time frame in which so many lives have ended over the past two months. Some are obvious.

• EMT Gregory Hodge of the New York Fire Department, age 59, a first responder on 9/11.
• Quen Agbor Ako, 53, worked at a nursing facility in Randallstown, Maryland, leaving behind a husband and four children.
• Cody Lyster, 21, a college student and member of the baseball team at Colorado Mesa University.

However, I find it hard to have any less sympathy for those who led what anyone would surely describe as long and full lives before being prematurely struck down by the virus. Consider the following.

• Patricia Bosworth, actor and biographer, age 86, who appeared in “The Nun’s Story” with Audrey Helpburn and chronicled the careers of Marlon Brando, Jane Fonda and Montgomery Clift.
• Ellis Marsalis, Jr., 85, who inspired and mentored generations of jazz musicians including his own sons.
• Retired federal judge Kevin Thomas Duffy, 87, who presided at the World Trade Center bombing trial in 1993.
• Dr. John Murray, 92, who ironically specialized in acute respiratory distress.

These feelings apply not only to the famous or those with distinguished resumés.  They cover every elderly grandparent or great-grandparent, every educator or mentor, every role model who had one more hug, one more teaching moment or one more example to share.

It does not matter if they had died of natural or non-virus related causes one day, week, month or year later.  COVID-19 has robbed us, even if only briefly, of their talent, knowledge, experience and inspiration.  Each and every death accelerated by the coronavirus, regardless of the victim’s age, is one death TOO SOON.  Stay well.  

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

The guests at the last dinner gathering my wife and I attended before the “Great Isolation” included two of the three friends who share responsibility for the monthly “Cinema and Conversations” events we host at our local bookstore.  Naturally, our conversation turned to the topic of film, especially since the Academy Awards show had aired the previous Sunday.  When asked how I felt about Parasite taking home so many Oscars, I responded I thought it was deserving with the caveat I did not think much of the competition.

For most cinephiles, the gold standard remains 1939.  Imagine having to chose between Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Goodbye Mr. Chips, Of Mice and Men and Stagecoach for Best Picture.  (HISTORICAL NOTE: The category was then called “Outstanding Production” which is why the Oscar for Best Picture is still handed to the producers who manage the business of film making rather than the creative talent.)  Each of the 2019 nominees had their moments, e.g. a shirtless Brad Pitt in Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood according to one female friend.  But I doubt, 50 years from now, many will break into the American Film Institute’s “100 Best Films of All Time.”

For movie lovers, being confined to one’s home is reminiscent of an episode of The Twilight Zone titled “Time Enough at Last.”  Burgess Meredith plays a bank clerk who loves to read.  When he becomes the sole survivor of a nuclear war, by virtue of being in the underground bank vault when the attack occurs, he sees it as the opportunity of a lifetime to spend every waking hour immersed in books.  I will not spoil the ending for those who may be binge watching a Rod Serling marathon on Hulu.

Which brings me to last night.  Imagine, all the time in the world to catch up on the films you had been too busy to take in during normal times.  I started with the HBO premiere movie Good Boys, a raunchy coming-of-age story which had received positive reviews (80/100 on Rotten Tomatoes).  Five minutes into the narrative, I was reaching for the remote control.  My next choice was a 2019 independent production The Party, not to be confused with the 1968 film of the same name starring Peter Sellers and Claudine Longet.  This selection was based largely on the fact the cast included Patricia Clarkson who is chiseled on my Mount Rushmore of female actors and it received an 81 rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  However, my attention lasted less than 15 minutes before the parade of dysfunctional house guests engaged in drugs and pending violence were dismissed.  A British anthology found the same fate.  I feared I was becoming a panelist on The Gong Show and finished the evening with a crossword puzzle and an episode of “The Whistler” on Sirius XM’s Radio Classics channel.

Having access to and the time to sample so many films that never made it to theaters is painful, yet enlightening.  Above all, I have a new-found appreciation for the scions of the movie industry who occasionally deliver a magical moment through visual story telling.  It is not unlike the fairy tale where the princess kisses many frogs before she finds her true love.  In the business world, it is akin to the venture capitalist who invests in ten business not knowing which one will become the next Skype or Apple.

Does anyone honestly think in 1987 the head of Columbia Pictures said, “I have an idea for a terrible movie.  Let’s hire Elaine May to direct.  And we’ll get Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty to star in it.”?  Ishtar seemed like a good idea on paper.  Sadly, that is where it should have stayed.  Yet, without taking the risk associated with a hundred Ishtars and Giglis, there would be no Casablanca or Midnight Cowboy.

So, the next time you ask yourself, “Who could have possibly thought this dreck was entertaining or worth watching?”, just remember you may only have to do this for the next 30 or 60 days.  Some poor soul does it for a living.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP