This morning I received an e-mail from one of my unnamed, and totally unreliable, sources.

Sat 4/29/2017 1:06 AM

TO: Dr. ESP
FROM: Unnamed and Unreliable Source
SUBJECT: WHCA Speech

Attached is a copy of the draft remarks Donald Trump planned to give if he had attended last night’s dinner.  Although I cannot divulge how I procured this material, it came in a plain white envelope which only said the following,  “SALLY forth.  More to come.”

Enjoy.

Normally, I would check the veracity of this kind of document before passing it on. But after listening to Carl Bernstein at the actual WHCA Dinner last night, I heeded his advice.  “Our objective as journalists is to get the best obtainable version of the truth.”  I can assure you there will not be any better obtainable version of Trump’s speech than this one.

Good evening, ladies and germalists. I know I promised to go to a 2020 campaign rally in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania instead of this dinner.  Imagine that.  Another broken promise.  Anyway, that poor city has already been exposed to enough nuclear radiation. 

Everyone looks so grown-up tonight.  It feels like a senior prom at Trump University.  The only difference is the cost of attendance is half what we charge and I don’t get my usual cut of the proceeds.  Maybe next year we can hold this event at a Trump property. I understand this year’s theme is “Russian to Judgement.” 

So this is what Washington looks like on a weekend.  Hard to tell the difference.  The House and Senate chambers are empty and Melania is in New York.  Melania sends her regrets.  She told me she had anything else to do.

Being here isn’t the first promise I’ve broken since occupying the dining room at Mar-a-Lago. I also promised to drain the swamp, hire the best people.  So what if there are investigations into criminal charges of some of my staff.  I didn’t practice saying, “You’re fired” for nothing.  Come to think of it, I’ve gone through more people than the survivors of Uruguayan Air Flight 571 after it crashed in the Andes mountains in 1972.  (anticipate groans) Too soon?

Speaking of going through other people, a big shout out to Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey.  With friends like Jack, who needs Vladimir Putin and Julian Assange.  And the campaign didn’t even have to pay Twitter.  I like to think of Twitter as the 7/11 of the internet.  Open all night and the potheads who drop in at 3:00 am for munchies make about as much sense as I do.

Speaking of 3:00 am,  I just learned North Korea is in a different time zone.  Not everyone knows that.   So when I get up at 3:00 am, it’s actually 3:30 pm in Pingpong, Putang, whatever.  So I can see what Kim Jong-Un is doing 11 and a half hours before it has any effect on the United States.  I can’t believe I’m saying this but California is in an even better position.  If the North Koreans launch an ICBM, San Francisco has three more hours than Washington to react.

Don’t worry.  I have a plan to neutralize North Korea.  We just have to wait for the next supreme leader Kim Jong-Deux.

One hundred days.  Can you believe it?  (anticipate more groans) You folks thought I was going to be a disaster.  Isn’t it a little unfair to expect so much so soon?  It took W two terms to destroy the economy.  I only hope I can be as successful with the environment by the end of my presidency.

In closing, I just want to let you know I am donating my salary for this quarter to the White House Correspondents Association scholarship fund.  And I hope you report it in tomorrow morning’s newspapers and  on the Sunday talk shows.  That way, when I accuse all of you of “fake news,” I will be right.

Good night and good luck.

After reading the draft for the first time, it is rumored Trump sent a note to Melania’s speech writer thanking her for such an original closing line.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.

— Oscar Wilde

And no one is better at imitation than Hollywood.  Consider the following.  In 1940, MGM released The Shop Around the Corner starring James Stewart and Margaret Sullavan.  In 1949, MGM remakes this story about anonymous pen pals who work side by side as a musical In the Good Old Summertime with Judy Garland and Van Johnson in the lead roles. Not to be outdone, Warner Brothers produces an Internet-age variant in 1998 titled You’ve Got Mail starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

This morning I realized I too am in the “re-make business” with one big difference.  I am creating the imitations before the original has ever been released.  It started with MacTrump.  Yesterday, it was Other People’s Money.  Both are prequels to the forthcoming documentary or historical drama Comrade Trump.

Today’s version of the rise and fall of His Orangeness was triggered by recent conversations with my wife and friends who keep asking, “What do you think is really going on between the White House and Russia concerning the use of chemical weapons in Syria?” My response, “I’m not sure.  I have more questions than answers.  But there is one thing I’m sure of, everything is suspect.”

As I spoke those last three words, I knew I had seen them somewhere before.  And sure enough, they are included in the tag line to the 1997 film L.A. Confidential.  “Everything is suspect..everyone is for sale…and nothing is what it seems.”  For those unfamiliar with this critically acclaimed film (99 percent on Rotten Tomatoes), it is the story of a 1950s dysfunctional police department which “investigates a series of murders with their own brand of justice.” (Source: IMDB.com)  In the end, members of the force cover-up internal corruption while presenting themselves as heroes.

Today, I proudly release D.C. Confidential, the exploits of a New York real estate developer who “is determined to live up to his father’s reputation.” (Source: Wikipedia)  In the original, a narcotics detective moonlights as the technical adviser on a popular TV police drama.  Of course, in this version, the lead moonlights as executive producer of a reality show.  The precinct captain, played by Steve Bannon, believes “a detective should be willing to shoot a guilty man in the back for the greater good.” (Source: Wikipedia)

Which brings me back to why this particular movie is the perfect analogy for the U.S. response to the events in Syria.  There is growing evidence (including last night’s report Trump adviser Carter Page was/is the subject of a FISA Court warrant) the White House, like the L.A. precinct, is mired in corruption.  And among the rogue White House operatives is Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.  Despite being a member of the corrupt force, he is sent on a mission to Russia designed to make him appear to be a hero, not the Trump/Russia intermediary he really is.  While Tillerson claims he is only following department’s mantra “To Serve and Protect,”  we are left wondering just who he is serving and what is he protecting. If the tag line fits…

Everything is suspect…everyone is for sale…and nothing is what it seems.

There is an unintentional coincidence between the two movies I selected for these parodies–Other People’s Money and L.A. Confidential.  Danny DeVito has roles in both.  Directors and producers often have favorite actors to whom they turn when casting a film.  I plan to keep DeVito in my stable as he seems to be the only film star with the stature to play Comrade Trump in my forthcoming docu-drama.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

In the 1991 movie Other People’s Money,  Lawrence “The Liquidator” Garfield, played by Danny DeVito, selects a struggling family-run business in a small Rhode Island town as his next target.  I was reminded of this semi-successful film (Roger Ebert gave it 3.5 our of five stars) as I read a series of news articles this morning which claim Comrade Trump is “on pace to surpass eight years of Obama’s travel spending in one year.”  (Source: CNN)  Not to mention His Orangeness’ frequent trips to Mar-a-Lago/Winter White House/Southern White House have cost the residents of Palm Beach an estimated $1.7 million to date.  Not to mention the New York Police Department estimates they spend $500,000/day on security for Melania and Baron Trump.

Trump’s willingness to appropriate “other people’s money” to sustain his extravagant lifestyle is only one way his modus operandi mirrors the plot of the film of the same name.  While Garfield argues his offer is in the best interest of the community, the ensuing debate fractures both the owner’s family and the citizenry, many of whom work at and own equity in the business.  Does this, Garfield’s speech to the local shareholders, sound familiar?

This company is dead. I didn’t kill it. Don’t blame me. It was dead when I got here. It’s too late for prayers. For even if the prayers were answered, and a miracle occurred, and the yen did this, and the dollar did that, and the infrastructure did the other thing, we would still be dead…Who cares? I’ll tell you. Me. I’m not your best friend. I’m your only friend.

All you have to do is substitute the word “America” for “this company” and you have Trump’s sales pitch in a nutshell.

What I will never understand is why the media think this is news.  It is just one more chapter in the updated version of the The Art of the Deal. Trump has used his “charitable foundation,”  which was funded with donations mostly from business associates who wanted to curry his favor, to cover his legal expenses and penalties.*  He sold worthless stock in his casinos to suckers who ended up holding the bag when the ventures went bankrupt.  And he is leveraged to the hilt in order to plaster his name on buildings he does not own.

But there is a hero in the movie.  Andrew Jorgenson, played by Gregory Peck, who manages the New England Wire & Cable company, the town’s primary employer.  Listen to Jorgenson’s rebuttal to Garfield’s justification of his takeover bid

The robber barons of old at least left something tangible in their wake- a coal mine, a railroad, banks. This man leaves nothing. He creates nothing. He builds nothing. He runs nothing. And in his wake lies nothing but a blizzard of paper to cover the pain…God save this country if that is truly the wave of the future. We will then have become a nation that makes nothing but hamburgers, creates nothing but lawyers, and sells nothing but tax shelters. And if we are at that point in this country, where we kill something because at the moment it’s worth more dead than alive, well, take a look around. Look at your neighbor. Look at your neighbor. You won’t kill him, will you? No. It’s called murder, and it’s illegal. Well, this, too, is murder, on a mass scale. Only on Wall Street, they call it maximizing shareholder value, and they call it legal. And they substitute dollar bills where a conscience should be.

Keep in mind this was 1991–before the Dotcom Bubble and before the sub-prime housing debacle.  In hindsight, Jorgenson represents the closest thing we have to a modern-day Nostradamus.  Too bad we didn’t listen to him.

*Kudos to Washington Post reporter David Farenholdt, who yesterday was awarded a Pulitzer Prize for his exposés on the misuse of Trump Foundation resources and his failure to follow-up on promised charitable donations.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

Today’s edition of the Washington Post (Sunday, April 9, 2019) included an interview with King Adbullah II of Jordan, conducted by senior associate editor Lally Weymouth.  Midway through the exchange, the topic turned to Russia’s support of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

Q. Do you want to see the U.S. engage with Russia over Syria?

A. I’ll tell you why that works: From the Russian point of view, they play what I describe as a three-dimensional chess game. To them, Crimea is important, Syria is important, Ukraine, and we see them in Libya. The Americans and Europeans must deal with the Russians on all these issues simultaneously.

Q. Once you understand these issues together, what do you do?

A. Then you horse-trade. For the Russians I think the most important thing is Crimea. If you come to an understanding on Crimea, I think you will see much more flexibility on Syria, and I think Ukraine then becomes the least problematic.

It is hard to discern whether King Abdullah’s comments were a slip of the tongue or a deliberate signal to the Russians.  If only Putin would abandon Assad, international disfavor, including crippling economic sanctions, could magically evaporate into thin air.  Either way, the Jordanian monarch provided a more believable scenario than any so far proffered by the White House, Congress or the news media.  Especially if the untimely re-introduction of chemical weapons into the Syrian civil war provided the excuse Moscow needed to throw Assad under the bus.

So, the game is afoot. But I, for one, feel uncomfortable imagining an individual who cannot distinguish between facts and lies representing the United States in an exercise which requires such logic and concentration.  Referencing the use of three-dimensional chess as a frequent prop in the original Star Trek series, the website “Fandom” found the game challenging for even the most mentally acute players.

Commander Spock was an exceptional chess player; his game was consistently logical. However, he often had a difficult time predicting or effectively responding to the unexpected moves made by his frequent opponents, Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy.

I can just hear William Shatner paraphrasing Senator Lloyd Benson during the 1988 vice-presidential debate.

Comrade Trump, I served with Mr. Spock, I knew Mr. Spock. Mr. Spock was a friend of mine. Comrade, you’re no Mr. Spock.

There is one more significant difference between His Orangeness and the USS Enterprise’s first officer.  Spock sat across from his opponent, unlike the current White House occupant who so often seems to be on the same side of the table as his BFF Vladimir Putin.

Stay tuned.  As the tagline for one of my favorite movies Now You See Me suggests, “Come in close, because the more you think you see, the easier it’ll be to fool you.”

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

One of the fundamental tenets of counter-intuitive thinking requires individuals to make sure they are asking the right questions before seeking the right answers.  Sadly, this is something the corporate news media did not understand concerning their coverage of Thursday night’s  U.S. missile attack on Al Shayrat Airfield.  Over the past 36 hours, print and broadcast news have focused on four questions.

• Was this an appropriate response to the use of chemical weapons against the residents of Idlib Province, Syria?
• Should Trump have sought Congressional authorization before launching the attack?
• What are the political implications?
• What next for the U.S. in Syria?

All of these questions have one thing in common.  The answers are a matter of opinion.  In other words, the media were more interested in stimulating debate among their talking heads than getting to the bottom of what happened and why?

Here are the questions I believe we should be asking.

Why now?

In September 2013, the United States and Russian brokered a deal by which Syria agreed to turn over all of its chemical weapons and facilities to the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons, the international watchdog created as part of the Chemical Weapons Convention of 1993.  Whether the transfer was complete is a matter for debate. Regardless, Syria had ceased using sarin gas for more than three years until Tuesday’s attack.

To answer this question, one need merely look at what had changed since September 2013.  The most obvious answer is U.S. policy toward the Assad regime.  Until January 20, 2017, the Obama administration believed the Syrian civil war would not end as long as Assad remained in power.  On March 30, 2017, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson reversed this policy, stating,  “I think the…longer term status of president Assad will be decided by the Syrian people.”  Four days later Syria launches the chemical weapons attack.  It seems Assad took Tillerson’s statement to heart and wanted to ensure only those who supported the dictator would still be alive when the Syrian people determined his long-term status.

Who had the most to lose from the chemical weapons attack?

This is the question I find most puzzling.  The 2013 agreement on chemical weapons did not stop Assad’s massacre or dislocation of his own people.  The international community turned a blind eye to his use of massive air power and barrel bombs on towns controlled by rebel forces.  The ONLY thing that would get the world’s attention was the re-introduction of chemical weapons into the conflict.  Why would Assad take that chance?

I have not used this blog to peddle conspiracy theories and I will not start now.  But Assad’s actions make absolutely no sense without a quid pro quo.  What could Assad possibly get in return for such irrational behavior?

Why would Comrade Trump call Vladimir Putin prior to the attack?

Again, I will leave this one to the conspiracy theorists.  But it does raise more questions.  What was Russia’s role in the chemical attack?  Was U.S. intelligence aware of a Russian presence at Al Shayrat Airfield?  If the attack was meant as a signal the use of chemical weapons was “crossing a red line,” why would the Trump administration make sure the Russians did not get the message the same that it was delivered to the Syrians?

Why is Russia so vigorously defending Assad?

While I understand Russia views Syria as its foothold in the Middle East, Assad’s use of chemical weapons puts Putin in an awkward position.  After all, Putin took credit for the September 2013 deal which deferred military action against Assad.  The use of sarin gas in Idlib Province is a political embarrassment for Putin.  At a time when he is trying to convince European leaders he is an ally against terrorism, Assad has exposed him as a “paper tiger,” unable to enforce agreements with his current geopolitical partners.

My favorite Judge Judy line is, “If it doesn’t make sense, it probably isn’t true.”  And if anything ever didn’t make sense, this is it.  It’s time the news media stops speculating what will happen next and focuses on the reasons behind what has already happened.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP