With deference to David Letterman, I now present tonight’s TOP TEN list–April Fools when it comes to dealing with a global pandemic.

#10:  Every right-wing Trump sycophant who a la Sean Hannity said, “This program has always taken the coronavirus seriously and we’ve never called the virus a hoax,” nine days after saying, “They’re scaring the living hell out of people and I see it again as like, ‘Oh, let’s bludgeon Trump with this new hoax.’”

#9:  Georgia Governor Brian Kemp who claimed he did not know the coronavirus could be transmitted by asymptomatic carriers until March 31.  Either Kemp is an idiot, lying or, in contrast to most of us, turned off the television after Trump’s daily comments before Anthony Fauci and Deborah Brix took the podium to provide accurate and useful information about the pandemic.

#8:  Eduardo Moreno, the railroad engineer who intentionally derailed a train in hopes of disrupting operations on the USNS Mercy, a hospital ship sent to Los Angeles to handle overflow from area hospitals.  Moreno told law enforcement officers he believed the vessel “had an alternate purpose related to COVID-19 or a government takeover.” Who says no one takes Alex Jones or Rush Limbaugh seriously?

#7: Texas-based Evangelical preacher Kenneth Copeland who urged believers to place their hands on their television screens to be cured of the coronavirus.  In what should have been a parody of Flip Wilson’s trademark “the Devil made me do it,” Copeland claimed, “I’m not the sick trying to get healed. I’m the healed and the devil is trying to give me the flu… or whatever else kind of thing he’s trying.”

#6:  Not willing to cede his standing in the Evangelical community, Liberty University president Jerry Fallwell, Jr. encouraged the school’s 5,000 students to return to  campus after spring break.  “I think we have a responsibility to our students — who paid to be here, who want to be here, who love it here — to give them the ability to be with their friends, to continue their studies, enjoy the room and board they’ve already paid for and to not interrupt their college life.”  Within three days, 12 students had symptoms of the virus and all students were asked to self-quarantine for 14 days.  Even agnostics have to admit, if there is a God, she does work in mysterious ways.

#5:  Jim Hoft, head of the conservative media outlet The Gateway Pundit, claimed the coronavirus is “a man-made biological weapon that was created by globalists and other nefarious actors in an attempt to depopulate the planet.”  Hoft is way beyond “gateway.”  He is clearly taking much more potent drugs.

#4:  Florida Governor Ron DeSantis who ironically chose April 1 to announce a state lock-down.  However, he gave Floridians 36 hours to host one more Coronavirus Party at the nearest sand bar before the effective date of midnight Thursday, April 2.

#3: Governor DeSantis earned another Top Ten by making “Attending services at churches and synagogues” the first exemption listed under essential activities not subject to the shutdown.  One cannot help but appreciate the irony this action was taken on April 1, a day that, in 2003, was declared National Atheists Day by a federal judge in response to a suit filed by the ACLU to have the federal government declare a non-religious holiday for atheists and agnostics.

#2: Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick who said, “No one reached out to me and said, ‘as a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?”  When asked if he was ready to set an example for other senior citizens in the Lone Star State, Patrick presented a letter from his doctor saying he could not serve as a model for others because he had bone spurs.

And the NUMBER ONE April Fool when it comes to dealing with a global pandemic is Donald J. Trump, who on April Fools Day said, “I think also in looking at the way that the contagion is so contagious, nobody’s ever seen anything like this where large groups of people all of a sudden have it just by being in the presence of somebody who has it.”

If only we had non-contagious contagions, as Louis Armstrong would say, “What a wonderful world this would be!”  Not to mention if we did not have to tolerate these and other April fools.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

It has been 12 days since the last post, but it is not for lack of effort.  There are several half-finished drafts of entries ranging from the illusion of U.S. oil independence to the inadequacy of the Hatch Act (restrictions on political activity by federal officials) to loss of another close friend.  The one thing I have made no effort to write about is the current health crisis.  Why?  Because I do not want to waste your time pontificating about something about which I know little or cannot add value to the conversation.  (Donald Trump, are you listening?)  Perhaps it is a corollary to Reinhold Niebuhr’s “Serenity Prayer.”

Dr. ESP’s Brevity Prayer

Grant me the time and clarity to opine on topics about which I actually know something,
the humility to step aside to make room when there are others who know more than I do,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Useful, but it did not explain my inability, for almost two weeks, to replicate the routine by which I could previously wake up, grab a mug of coffee, check the news, then sit down at the keyboard and knock out a new post in a couple of hours.  The topics were there.  What I was missing were the metaphors and connections between seemingly unrelated information that provided lucidity and insight or a different perspective on the subject du jour.

The answer came yesterday during a “just checking in” phone call to a cousin.  During the conversation, he mentioned how he had not been able to do crossword puzzles, something he would enjoy while practicing social distancing.  There it was.  Not only was the health crisis depriving us all of things we liked to do in groups, e.g. go to dinner with friends or go to concerts, it also had the capacity to rob us of the things we enjoy doing alone.  My problem was not writer’s block, it was total mental block.

In my book ImagineIt!,  I start the chapter about the physiology of creativity, titled “Your Creative Hardware,” with a quote from the late Erma Bombeck.

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.

In hindsight, that was the case with my most recent blogging sessions.  Previously, when I was focused on the topic at hand, every keyboard stroke created an untraveled road map with many paths.  Each word or phrase was not an end, but a beginning of the next leg of a journey of discovery.  If I follow that thought, where might it take me?  What if I abide by Robert Frost’s recommendation and take the “road less traveled,” eschewing conventional wisdom for the counter-intuitive option?

It was now clear that even if the coronavirus had not infected my body, it had invaded my mind. To pick up on the road map metaphor, before I had a chance to get back on the highway, I had the urge to pull over and make sure everything else was okay.  Was there enough food in the house?  Had I contacted everyone who needed an update on a postponed activity?  Was my slight cough just the usual pollen allergy or something more serious?  As my brain overloaded, per Erma Bombeck, I stepped away from the car and never completed my quest.

But as we are more than aware from our experience with COVID-19, making the potential victims aware of the danger and expecting them to do everything they can to avoid contamination are two different things. And compared to what it takes to inoculate oneself from the mental effects of this pandemic, physical distancing is a six-feet-apart walk in the park.

On occasion in my Imagination and Entrepreneurship class at Miami University, I would ask my students to close their eyes and think about nothing for five minutes.  The goal was to get the class to leave everything else outside the room.  And as they practiced and became more proficient at the art of not thinking, the realized it was about personal control.  While they could not determine every aspect of their life, the could regulate the extent to which certain responsibilities or obligations invaded their personal time.

So, when you find yourself unable to focus on a task, even if it as inconsequential as reading a trashy novel, finishing a jigsaw puzzle or enjoying a movie, take a few minutes to check the mental distance between yourself and what’s happening around you.  Unlike social (aka physical) distancing, you are not dependent on anyone else’s cooperation.  It is solely between you and your own mind.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

During my final lecture at Miami University, I shared a series of moments in my life when I had a chance to interact with famous people in the fields of politics, entertainment and sports.  Each story began with the phrase, “I have been fortunate to have had the opportunity to…”  The point was to encourage my students to look for and act on these opportunities as they are moments in time which make life interesting.  Most are happy memories.  Talking with James Earl Jones about how he approached a particular scene in “Field of Dreams.”  Facilitating a meeting between President Bill Clinton and Anatole Tshelov, chairman of the Association of Russian Governors.  An audience with Lee Kwan Yew, founder and first prime minister of Singapore.  Interviewing Meadowlark Lemon of the Harlem Globetrotters for my high school newspaper.

And no matter how distant in time, these events rush to the forefront of my mind when one of the principals leaves us.  You may remember my writing about my 1976 encounter with Muhammad Ali upon his passing in 2016.  Forty-three years could never erase my excitement as a free-lance photographer to literally be in the ring with Ali and Howard Cossell during the weigh-in before his championship fight with Jimmy Young.

Yesterday, sadly was one more occasion which brought back a rush of memories, the news that Cokie Roberts had died at age 75 of breast cancer.  So what is my connection in this case?  It begins on the evening of October 16, 1972 at Rockville (Maryland) Country Club, the venue for a rally and fundraiser for congressional candidate Joseph Anastasi.  As a member of the campaign staff, I had helped organize the event which included an appearance by former Vice-President Hubert Humphrey.

I was standing in the clubhouse entry awaiting Humphrey’s arrival when I was approached by an employee of the country club who asked me if Tommy Boggs was present as he had a phone call.  I found Tommy and showed him where he could take the call.  When Tommy finished the call, he told me he had to leave and asked me to apologize to everyone for his absence.

It was not until the next morning, we all learned the emergency which precipitated Tommy’s departure was the disappearance of a plane in Alaska carrying his father, House Majority Leader Hale Boggs and Alaska Representative Nick Begich.  The plane was never found and Boggs’ death was officially declared in December of that year.  Hale Boggs’ wife Lindy won a special election in March 1973 to replace her husband as U.S. representative from New Orleans, serving until January of 1991.

So what does this have to do with Cokie Roberts?  Cokie and Tommy were sister and brother, two of Hale and Lindy Boggs’ four children.  And as chance would have it, several years later I was scheduled to fly back to Washington, D.C. from Denver when the flight was delayed due to weather.  And in a synchronistic moment, Cokie Roberts. also on the flight, sat down across from me.  At first, I just wanted to tell her I was a fan and appreciated her reporting.  But she asked about my trip and we struck up a conversation.  It was then that I mentioned the circumstances in which I had a small part in the events surrounding her father’s disappearance.  She then informed me she had been the one to call Tommy that night.

We never crossed paths again, but each time she appeared on ABC News or I heard her reports on NPR, there was this sense of affinity, this moment in time, when two people were unexpectedly connected.  As Carl Jung reminds us, these unanticipated, random intersections occur all the time and are part of life’s narrative if only we are vigilant observers.  And they DO make life interesting.  So it is with a special sense of sadness I say farewell to Ms. Roberts but am thankful that I had the opportunity for a brief encounter with her.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

Here are a few observations made during a 10-hour drive yesterday.

Salute to Ignorance

One of the virtues of Sirius XM is the ability to listen to one’s favorite cable news and talk shows while on the road.  However, yesterday we tuned out as much of the focus was on descriptions of Donald Trump’s “Salute to Me.”  As suggested by the above subtitle, based on a number of Trumpisms during the past week, Trump should replace his 2016 MAGA campaign slogan in 2020 with HNF-SNF-TNF (Hear no facts; see no facts, tweet no facts).  Consider the following evidence.

• The so-called commander-in-chief bragged about the “new Sherman tanks” which would be on display around the Lincoln Memorial.  No one told him that the U.S. army has not ordered a new Sherman tank for more than a half-century much less the last ones in service were de-commissioned in 1957.  A la Dick Cheney, Trump will probably argue that you have to go to war, “Not with the army you want, nor the one you have, but with the one you had 50 years ago.”
• Trump accused New York state attorney general Letitia James of doing Andrew Cuomo’s dirty work via politically motivated investigations of the Trump Organization and Trump Foundation.  Having been a life-long resident of New York, one would think Trump knows that the state attorney general is elected by popular vote, not appointed by the governor.  Guess he confused that situation with his selection of William Barr to be his personal consigliere.
• In an interview with Fox Business News host Maria Bartiromo last Friday, Trump stated there was no graffiti or trash on the New York City streets until two years ago.  Or maybe he just couldn’t see it from the 26th floor of his golden tower.  What is even more damning is his saying New York was a utopia until he became president. So, I guess he’s telling us it’s his fault.  Maybe if he had not de-valued New York City taxes by his assault on state and local levies in the 2017 tax legislation, NYC might have more resources for sanitation.

And this was just in one five-day period.  So, what do you call Trump statements over a 144 day span?  GROSS ignorance.

Iran, But Could Not Hide

Speaking of ignorance, it is a close race between Trump and the national news media.  Just in case you missed the administration’s latest attack on the Constitution, the Washington Post reports Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and “senior defense officials” since we still do not have a Secretary of Defense are building a legal case to justify military action against Iran.  However, reporters and journalist seemed to have missed the fact this is probably just one more move in the Russian chess match to undermine the Atlantic alliance with Trump’s complicit assistance.

Imagine a Tom Clancy novel based on the following story arc.

• Under the previous administration NATO negotiates an agreement that limits Iran’s ability to produce nuclear weapons for a minimum of 15 years in return for sanctions relief and the unfreezing of Iranian assets in foreign banks.
• Russia, upset with what appears to be the beginning of detente between Iran and the West, decides this is one more opportunity to drive a wedge between the United States and Europe.
• Russia assists in the election of a new president who campaigns on leaving the agreement much to the displeasure of the European signatories.
• But that is not enough.  Russia then encourages Iran to give its American puppet more reason to break from the NATO position.  Maybe have Iran attack a couple of oil tankers in the Straits of Hormuz or even shoot down a U.S. drone.
• Neo-conservative advisors to the American president, who Russian knows are anxious to start a war with Iran, now have more ammunition to convince their boss they are right.
• European allies refuse to join the conflict and American once again takes unilateral action with limited assistance from second-tier nations who are promised financial rewards if they support the U.S. position.  Call it “the alliance of the bribed.”
• Back home.  The Russian president is heralded as a genius.  Not only has he achieved his initial goal of undermining NATO, he has created more discord within the United States by tricking the president into committing more lives and resources to another unpopular Middle East conflict.

Oh, wait!  No need to wait for the novel.  It is already a television mini-series running on the nightly news.

Captain Jesus Luc Placard

When you drive through America’s bible belt, you cannot help but notice the billboards which ask “Who is Jesus?”  Having attended a AAA minor league baseball game in Norfolk, Virginia on Monday night, my first instinct was to reply, “I know. They must be referring to Jesus Sucre, the Tidewater Tides catcher and designated hitter.”

Any effort at humor was quickly replaced by more serious reflection on reports out of Clint and El Paso, Texas as well as Homestead, Florida concerning the treatment of infants and children in border patrol detention centers.  Who is Jesus?  Whether you believe in his divinity or not, such a thoughtful and compassionate teacher certainly is not someone who would approve of his followers turning a blind eye to the suffering of children.  Or to those who seek asylum (equivalent to the church’s honored tradition of “sanctuary”) and a better life for their families.

What’s more, I began to think about my experience driving through Europe in 2005 and Italy in 2010.  There were no billboards.  Yes, there were majestic cathedrals, modest village churches and religious icons everywhere, but those were not directed at me, the non-believer.  They were there as constant reminders to the flock of their shepherd’s values and their own responsibility to follow in his footsteps.

A better use of the money spent on trying to convince me there is only one path to salvation would have been to purchase soap and other hygiene products for the innocent infants and children incarcerated in wire cages.  Or even a billboard with a picture of the 7-year-old who died of a bacterial infection last December while in U.S. custody with the tag line, “Who is Jakelin Caal Maquin?” Or 2-year-old Wilmer Josué Ramirez Vasquez.  Or 16-year-old Juan de Leon Gutiérrez.  Or 8-year-old Felipe Gomez Alonzo.  Then, instead of “Who is Jesus?” hopefully everyone, especially many in the white evangelical community who refuse to speak out against the policies which precipitated these tragedies, will realize the more important question is, “What would Jesus do?”

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP

Sunni or Later

Final Jeopardy Question:  So the president cannot be cornered.
Final Jeopardy Answer:  Why is the Oval Office an oval?

My observation this past week.  I hope the Ayatollah also has an oval office.  Too many times we’ve learned that a cornered animal is the most dangerous.  And history tells us, the resolution of a precarious situation is more likely when both parties come away with something.

Even when the U.S. and the Soviet Union were within a hair’s breadth of nuclear war, John Kennedy understood this.  While many believe the eventual agreement between JFK and Nikita Khrushchev was one-sided in favor of the American demands, the Soviet leader was given an opportunity to save face.  First, Kennedy assured Khrushchev the U.S. would not invade Cuba.  Second, the U.S. agreed to dismantle nuclear missiles in Turkey which were part of the NATO defense against Soviet aggression.  Some military historians suggest Kennedy would have removed these weapons without the Cuban crisis as they were obsolete and too costly to maintain.

This morning, Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson raised what should be the critical question based on previous Trump approaches to foreign policy and his decision last night to call off a limited military strike in response to the downing of a U.S. drone.  Following the North Korea model of diplomacy:  Act I is belligerence.  Act II is an offer to meet.  What is Act III?

On their ESPN talk show Pardon the Interruption, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon have a segment called “Who would you rather be?”  In this case, I believe the Iranians have the easiest path to solving the stand-off and giving Trump an opportunity to save face.

1. Demand the U.S. rejoin the nuclear agreement and lift any sanctions imposed following withdrawal from the pact.
2. In return, Iran agrees to engage in discussion with the U.S. to extend the terms of the nuclear agreement beyond the initial 15 years and possibly include missile testing in the expanded accord.
3. U.S cancels arm sales to Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates.
4. In return Iran agrees to join multi-national talks among Arab nations to resolve civil wars in Syria, Yemen, etc.
5. Trump proposes bilateral trade talks (“See, I’m a great deal-maker.”) with Iran pending verification of Iranian commitments to non-proliferation and stabilization of Middle East conflicts.

I know, it takes rational people to think rationally.  But sometimes you can make a offer even irrational people cannot refuse.  Equally important, we may finally learn who in the White House is making Middle East policy.

An Undying Wish

When a friend of mine passed away 18 months ago, I honored his family’s request that in lieu of flowers, people should donate to a designated charity.  Which I did, accompanied by a letter which indicated:

1. I was making this donation in memory of my late friend at his family’s request.
2. This is not a charity which I regularly give to and do not plan to make additional donations in the future.
3. Please honor my friend by using this donation for your primary mission, not to raise additional funds.

As you may have guessed, that letter was a waste of time, energy and paper.  For the past year and a half, I have received solicitations from this organization, often on a weekly basis.  And while I’ve not tracked the cost of these appeals, I am pretty sure it has come close to if not exceeded my donation.

This is a nationally known service organization and one could assume it was not one of those fly-by-night efforts where the a third-party fundraising agent makes more money than the charity ever sees.  However, I decided to check its statistics on Charity Navigator, only to find, because its primary funding comes from a single source (a family trust), it is listed as a private foundation and is unrated.

Lesson learned?  While my friend is no longer with us, fundraising based on his passing has eternal life.

Fake Math

Our local paper occasionally carries an op-ed column by a Pittsburgh writer Phil Purcell.  Today, Purcell, an admitted English major in college, decided to tutor us about the national debt.  A long time proponent of the Trump tax cuts, he ‘splained that the rising deficit was due to spending.  After all, “The economy is doing well, causing tax revenues to swell.”  Yeah, at the same rate as Trump’s inauguration crowd.

For those Republican senators and congressmen suffering from amnesia, let me remind you that you bought into the hooey that the 2017 Tax Cuts and Jobs Act would generate $1.8 trillion in new revenue, more than covering the $1.5 trillion cost.  And don’t forget the cuts you made to domestic spending to ensure the tax cuts would be within the 10-year budget resolution deficit targets. How did that actually play out?

In FY 2018, the first year in which the tax cuts would impact federal revenues, that figure rose to $3.33 trillion from (drum roll) $3.32 trillion in FY 2017.  In other words, Republicans added $180 billion to the deficit (call it their investment to grow the economy) and got $10 billion back in revenues (call that the present value).  Now just imagine, at the beginning of any year, you or I invested $1,800 in a venture, and at the end of the year, we had $100 to show for it.  The last thing we would do is brag about our financial acumen.  In fact, we would never mention it to anyone.

Perhaps that’s why Republicans did not run on the tax cuts during the 2018 mid-terms and only the delusional will run on them in 2020.  When someone suggests imaginary invasions by brown people are an easier sell than cash gifts, it’s a good sign they know the electorate is not as stupid as they might hope.  Sadly, Phil Purcell has not come to that conclusion about his readership.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP