Everyone is familiar with the concept of “Christmas in July.” It’s origins go back to 1944 when the U.S. Post Office held a “Christmas in July” luncheon to remind those on the home front it was never too early to send holiday cards and presents to ensure they would be received by service men and women overseas. The event was repeated in 1945.

One would have thought the tradition would have died a natural death following the end of World War II. However, in 1950, “Christmas in July” was resurrected (maybe they should have called it “Easter in July”) by a few wannabee Don Drapers on Madison Avenue. Retail stores began advertising “Christmas in July” sales. Television stations reran holiday specials (now central to the culture of the Hallmark Channel). And what faux Christmas season would be complete without a party featuring mistletoe, Saint Nick and secret Santa exchanges?

If it works for Christmas, why not other December celebrations? Ask no more. This weekend, Donald Trump inaugurated the first annual “Festivus in March.” Many of us first learned of Festivus during a 1967 episode of “Seinfeld.” However, the holiday was the brainchild of Daniel O’Keefe, author and an editor of Reader’s Digest. O’Keefe created Festivus to counter the pressures and commercialism associated with the Christmas season. Ironically, O’Keefe’s son co-wrote the Seinfeld episode which forever branded Festivus as a cultural meme.

Among the many Festivus traditions–Festivus pole, dinner, feats of strength–perhaps the most iconic is “Airing of Grievances,” which precedes the holiday feast. Which brings me to Trump’s celebration of “Festivus in March.” Just as Frank Constanza (Jerry Stiller) declares, “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about it,” Trump chose this weekend to air a few of his greatest hits.

• The closing of the Lordstown, Ohio GM plant was the fault of the UAW.
• Praising Republican Senators who had the courage to shred Article I of the Constitution in support of his declaration of a National Emergency at the southern border as opposed to those who caved and joined the Democrats.
• Chastising Fox News for suspending Jeanine Pirro just because she does not believe in the First Amendment’s freedom of religion.
• Sending a message via Twitter aimed at his Attorney General that there should never be a Mueller report.
• Delighting in the Yellow Vest protests in France because Macron supports the Paris Climate Accords.
• Attacking the late John McCain for acts of conscience, voting no on ACA repeal and replace and forwarding the Christopher Steele dossier to the FBI over concerns about Russian interference in a American election.
• Pretending to be the driving force in the unanimous House vote to make the Mueller Report public.
• Acknowledging the impacts of severe weather on farmers and ranchers in the Midwest while ignoring the role of climate change.
• Urging American Jews to flee the Democratic Party despite his belief that “good people” carried tiki torches and chanted “Jews will not replace us” in August 2017 or falsely claiming Jews were funding refugee caravans.
• Attacking late night talk show hosts for making fun of him even though their biggest laughs are generated by quoting Trump’s tweets or comments.
• Denying an increase in the worldwide growth of white supremacist groups and attacks hours after 50 Muslims were massacred by a self-proclaimed white supremacist.

But the true meaning of Festivus comes not from words, but actions. There is a reason the final rite associated with the Festivus celebration is the “Feats of Strength.” According to FestivusWeb.com, the holiday “is not over until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned.” (Perhaps Trump, as usual, selectively chose to ignore that aspect of the holiday.) The challenger is picked by the family patriarch. In the Seinfeld episode, Frank gives Kramer the honor.

Fortunately for us, Trump’s challenger for this premiere edition of Festivus in March has already been designated. And even though, according to Festivus rules, the challenger is given a pass “only if he has something better to do instead,” I don’t see that happening.

[Cue Michael Buffer]

In this corner, hailing from New York City, standing 5’11” and weighing in at 165 pounds, graduate of Princeton University and the University of Virginia Law School, former Director of the FBI and Special Council Robert Mueller III.

Let’s get ready to rumble!!!

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP