If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you already know a lot of the inspiration comes from my obsession with comedy and comedians. And for most successful stand-up comics, the prime directive is, “When it comes to comedy, anything and everything is fair game.”  As a result we are exposed to some pretty raw humor which sometimes touches a nerve.  Comedians will tell you, the audience also believes in the prime directive, UNTIL you make fun of them or someone close to them.  Cancer patients will laugh at jokes about Lupus or M.S., but fail to see the humor when someone like the late Harry Anderson jokes, “For our anniversary, my wife wanted something expensive that she’d never buy for herself.  So I signed her up for chemotherapy.”

As Dana Gould makes clear.  You don’t need to tell him he’s crossed the line.  He knows it.  But that doesn’t mean comics don’t have a conscience and sometimes wish they could take it back.  Or at a minimum realize in hindsight they come off as a jerk.  I’ll give you two examples.

On his 2004 album “A Little Off the Top,” Kevin Pollak takes aim at airline safety announcements.  In this particular routine, the target is using one’s seat cushion as a flotation device.

It’s such a pain to get on a plane I don’t give a damn if my seat floats.  Seat floats?  When?  Oh, right.  In case of a water landing.  Cause that’s gonna happen.  Apparently, we’re going to morph into a hover craft and whoosh to safety.  They’d like us to still believe we’ll be landing on the water.  Hey Bright Eyes, it’s a JET!  And when you hear that old smelly piece of foam you’re sitting on is a flotation device, your eyes well up, don’t they?  What else have you got for me?  Is the drink cart a shark cage?

Fortunately, U.S. Airways captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberg never listened to, or if he did, paid little attention to Pollak’s rant.  And since the “Miracle on the Hudson” on January 15, 2009, I suspect audiences at his live performances never chant, “Do the water landing routine.”

But, the all-time classic entry in the “Wish I Hadn’t Said That” Hall of Fame is a 1999 routine in which Bill Cosby shares his fascination with Spanish Fly.  It begins when he first learns about the legendary aphrodisiac from a stranger on a street corner who tells him:

“There’s a girl named Crazy Mary.  You put some in her drink and she goes ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhh.”

Yeah, that’s really groovy man.  From then on, every time I’d see a girl I’d say, “I wish I had some Spanish Fly.”  Go to a party, see five girls standing alone.  I wish I had a whole jug of Spanish Fly.  I’d light that corner up over there.

I thought it only existed in Philadelphia.  So I’m working on “I Spy.”  And Bob (Culp) and I are working together and Sheldon Leonard (the producer) comes up and says, “Boys, ‘I Spy’ is going to Spain.”  A childhood dream come true.

A transcript of the routine was introduced into evidence at Cosby’s sexual assault trial.  [IRONIC FOOTNOTE:  The album on which this story appears is called, “It’s True!  It’s True!”]

Both of the above examples are unfortunate.  One is merely embarrassing in hindsight.  The other is tragic with profound consequences for both Cosby and his victims.  But they pale in comparison to the damage done when amateurs think they have the same license to offend for the sake of entertainment.  Even when the stand-up wannabe tries to convince us, “Lighten up, it’s just a joke.”

Such was the case when Donald Trump brought his “Invasion Tour” to Pensacola last May.  Trump promoted the event on Facebook as though it were a rock concert.  “Join me LIVE for a rally in Pensacola, FL.”  In what can only be called Trump’s “Bill Cosby Moment,” he telegraphs both his determination to keep people of color out of the country and an admission he doesn’t have the slightest idea how to do it.

First he regrets that he does not have the same tools at his disposal as so many of his autocratic compadres (pun intended).  Referring to restrictions against lethal force placed on the border patrol:

We don’t let them, and we can’t let them, use weapons.  We can’t.  Other countries do.  We can’t.  But how do you stop these people.  You can’t.

Then came every stand-up comic’s dream.  A heckler who helps set up the punchline. “Shoot em'” yells a supporter.  Trump responds with a 13 second pause that would put Jack Benny to shame while the crowd cheers.  A smirk.  And then the zinger.

That’s only in the Panhandle you can get away with this stuff. Only in the Panhandle.”

If only there had been a drummer to offer the obligatory rim shot.

As we now know, Trump was wrong.  It’s not only true in the Florida Panhandle.  It’s true in Pittsburgh, Gilroy, El Paso and dozens of other cities across America.  A professional comic might admit the routine was in bad taste.  All it took was one incident for Pollak to expunge the “water landing” bit from his repertoire and to make him realize “A Little Off the Top” may have ventured a little OVER the top. But not this amateur.  Even following mass shooting after mass shooting, Trump still cannot understand why he needs to let go of this greatest hit.  Which makes one thing perfectly clear.

Instead of “Lighten up, it’s a joke,” we know what Trump’s real message is.  “Whiten up, and I’m not joking.”

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP