In 1971, the Oscar winner for best animated short was a 2 minute 18 second cartoon by Ted Petok titled “The Crunch Bird.”  In search of a gift for her grumpy and unhappy husband, the wife decides he might like a pet.  After rejecting a dog or a cat, she decides her husband would prefer a bird.  Despite warnings by the pet shop owner this particular bird might be dangerous, she purchases it and brings it home to surprise her husband.  I suggest you watch the original (link below) before reading my 2025 revision of the script.

THE CRUNCH BIRD

The revised 2025 script.

NARRATOR:  Once upon a time there was a political party that set out to give America a gift.  America was not bankrupt.  Or angry.  Or cruel.  In fact, most Americans were too busy trying to get ahead at work, raising a family and enjoying occasional recreational opportunities.  But America was frustrated with the cost of living, efforts to make everyone feel welcome and spending taxpayer dollars on foreign wars.

POLITICAL PARTY:  I know.   I’ll give America a new governing philosophy.

NARRATOR:  So the political party found the philosophy store and told the shopkeeper that it wanted to give America a new and very different political philosophy.

SHOPKEEPER:  Perhaps America would like supply-side economics.

POLITICAL PARTY:  No, we tried that, more than once, and America didn’t like it.

SHOPKEEPER:  Then maybe America would like compassionate conservatism.

POLITICAL PARTY:  No, we tried that too.  And America was so turned off, it made a black man the country’s leader.  Say, what’s that?  (pointing at a foreboding looking political philosophy)

SHOPKEEPER:  Oh, that’s populism.  But America wouldn’t want that.  It’s too dangerous to have around.  Let me show you.  Populism, the Constitution.  (Populism devours the Constitution)

POLITICAL PARTY.  That’s amazing.  America will love this. We can promise no more deficit spending.  No more ObamaCare.  No more nation building.  How much does that cost?  (Rumor has it the retail price was $288 million.  To no one’s surprise, the political party recruited the richest man in the world to write the check.)

NARRATOR:  So the political party offered America populism and promised it would devour all the things that made America less wealthy, less safe and, of course, less Eurocentric.  Soon America came home after a long day at work.  She turns on the TV and sees the political party espousing the virtues of the new political philosophy.

AMERICA:  What is that?  What the hell is that ugly thing?

POLITICAL PARTY:  It’s for you.   Populism.

AMERICA:  Populism, my ass.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP