If it did not already exist, my next book would be
The November 18, 1993 edition of the “show about nothing” stars a young and almost unrecognizable Jennifer Coolidge as Jodi, a professional masseuse. Her and Seinfeld’s physical relationship is good with one exception. Jerry is obsessed with her giving him a massage. However, Jodi’s reluctance sends a clear message. Just because she is a masseuse does not mean every man should expect she is a easy mark for a little back rubbing. Sound familiar?
The following is a verbatim excerpt of “The Masseuse” script. Jodi is supposedly meeting Jerry for a dinner date. Only the names and location have been altered.
[setting: Tahoe Hotel Penthouse Suite]
(Donald is opening the door for Stormy. New age music is playing, and the lights are shaded)
STORMY: Hey.
DONALD: Hi.
STORMY: Hi. (kissing) I was running late and I didn’t have a chance to drop off my stuff before I came over.
DONALD: Ah, no problem. That’s fine.
STORMY: What’s with this music?
DONALD: That’s new age music. Sounds of the forest. I find it soothing. Hey, look at this! What do you know? A massage table! This is great! (he starts to install the table)
STORMY: What are you doing?
DONALD: Just checking it out. Look at how this thing is made. Can I tell you something? That’s a hell of a piece of equipment.
STORMY: Actually, I should get a new one.
DONALD: Nonsense. This one’s fine. (as he sits on the table)
STORMY: So, where do you wanna go? (as she puts her hand on his shoulder)
DONALD: Go? Why go anywhere? (as he places his hand over hers. She starts to massage his shoulders a little) Ahh, that feels good. Yeah. That’s, uh… That’s good. (he tries to go further. He grabs her hands over his shoulders and he lies down on the table on his chest) Yeah, that’s nice. That’s very nice.
STORMY: (she stops massaging) No. No, this isn’t good. I can’t do this.
DONALD: Why, what’s wrong? (he grabs her hands and force her to keep them on his shoulders)
STORMY: I can’t (she tries harder to pull her hands away)
DONALD: No. Yes you can. (he hangs on)
STORMY: No, I can’t!
DONALD: Come on! I know it’s something you wanna do! (she pulls harder and he falls right off the table)
(scene ends)
To add to the synchronistic relationship between this episode and the last two days’ testimony at the Trump election interference trial, one of the side stories in “The Masseuse” involves George Constanza’s relationship with Karen, who actually wants to sleep with him. However, he too is obsessed with Jodi, not because she is a masseuse, because she finds him obnoxious. Does that also ring a bell?
Karen is played by Lisa Edelstein, who some of you may remember appeared in Season 1 of West Wing. She portrayed Laurie, a call girl and law student with whom White House aide Sam Seaborn (Rob Lowe) becomes obsessed. There is no truth to the rumor Aaron Sorkin recently told friends Laurie was originally going to be an adult movie star or Playboy playmate, but the West Wing creator thought it too unbelievable.
Despite these coincidences, “The Masseuse” and “The Porn Star” differ in one most significant way. When District Attorney Alvin Bragg pitched the latter to its potential audience, many assumed it too was a “show about nothing.” But the witnesses and documents presented in the first three weeks of testimony suggest just the opposite.
For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP