The Washington Post is reporting there was a little publicized side-bet between Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and King Donald.  Usually such wagers involve a culinary delight symbolic of the cities represented in major sporting events.  For example, following the Eagles victory in Super Bowl LIX, Kansas City mayor Quinton Lucas sent Philadelphia mayor Cherelle Parker a shipment of Gates BBQ.  If the Chiefs had completed the three-peat, Parker would have reciprocated with Philly Cheesesteaks.

However, the stakes associated with last night’s final game in the National Hockey League’s “4 Nation Face-Off” between the United States and Canada were much, much higher.  A bucket of KFC extra crispy versus a bowl of poutine would not suffice.  Based on the fact that Team USA defeated Canada just five days earlier during the round robin phase of the tournament and the game would be played on America’s home ice (the Boston Garden), Trump prepared an executive order challenging Trudeau to the equivalent of a WWE death match.  Assuming his support would assure a USA victory, Trump saw the contest as a shortcut to fulfilling his pipe dream of Canada becoming the 51st state.

In other words, the losing team must cede sovereignty to the winner.  Which explains Trudeau’s tweet (above) immediately following Connor McDavid’s sudden death goal at 8:18 of the first overtime period, giving Canada a 3-2 victory.  Therefore, on July 1, the 158th anniversary of the British North America Act by which Canada became a self-governing member of the British Empire, all 50 U.S. states will become members of the Canadian federation, also known as the United Provinces of America.

An official ceremony, reminiscent of Robert E. Lee’s surrender to Ulysses S. Grant at the Appomattox, Virginia courthouse, will be held on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, Ontario.  While the details have not been finalized, the word on “la rue” is that the observance will culminate with Trump laying down his bull horn and five iron.  Trudeau and Parliament will then appoint a commission to determine the boundaries and names of the new provinces.  While everything is on the table, one MP suggested there is no need to have two provinces with similar names.  “One Dakota, Carolina or Virginia is enough.”

I cannot wait until the 2026 Winter Olympics when attendees from North America will be rooting for their home team, “UPA, UPA.”

The Upside

During my tenure as a professor at Miami University, we had a colleague who, like Trump, had the uncanny ability to pick losers in every major and minor sporting event.  It was, however, impossible to definitively prove if this relationship was causal or mere correlation.  Based on his picks for the Super Bowl and the 4 Nations Face-Off, Trump appears to be the heir apparent to our colleague, ensuring negative outcomes for favored teams.  Whether causal or correlation is irrelevant.  Both have an upside.  For example, if you are New York Yankees hater, just post on Truth Social that you think the 4 Nations Face-Off final game was rigged by Hal Steinbrenner (Yankee owner) and Trump is still the president of what Google maps has labeled Lower Canada.  Trump will surely reply “#me too,” thus ensuring the Bronx Bombers will have another under-achieving season.

For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP