Breaking News (February 1, 2019/8:45 am)
Just in. Police are chasing a white Chevy Bronco toward the 14th Street Bridge in downtown Washington, DC. The SUV was first seen in the vicinity of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. While the driver is yet to be identified, the back-seat occupant is said to be a long-time district resident named, “Buck.” Stay tuned for more on this breaking story.
Breaking News Update (February 1, 2019/9:15 am)
Metropolitan police report they have been contacted by the driver of the Chevy Bronco. He says the passenger, identified only as “Buck,” is distraught due to recently being evicted from his long-time residence, the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office. He claims the first sign of his coming eviction came three weeks ago when his latest landlord claimed, “The buck stops with everyone.” According to the driver, Buck is just looking for someone to take him in.
Update (February 1, 2019/9:32 am)
The Bronco just made a left turn on to Independence Avenue heading east to the Capitol Building. Still in contact with the driver, Metropolitan police report Buck is seeking a meeting with former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan. When informed Mr. Ryan had returned to Wisconsin last December, Buck began screaming, “But my landlord said he was responsible for there not being a wall on the southern border.” Mr. Ryan’s former chief of staff suggested Buck contact Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell.
Update (February 1, 2019/9:44 am)
A police helicopter has picked up the Bronco. Bypassing the Capitol, it headed northwest on Massachusetts Avenue and then made a left turn on to K Street. It appears to have stopped in front of the Washington Post offices. Buck is entering the building. Let’s see if we can pick up anything from our reporter on the scene. Buck is making a statement.
Yesterday, my former landlord claimed the fake news media misquoted U.S. intelligence officials who contradicted him concerning national security threats. If true, then maybe there is a place for me here. But the editor said all they did was quote the intelligence verbatim.
Update (February 1, 2019/10:13 am)
Buck just exited the Washington Post and got back into the Bronco. It continues to head northwest. Wait, I think it’s stopping at the National Cathedral. Could Buck be seeking sanctuary here? Let’s listen in.
No one in Washington wants to take responsibility for the situation we’re in. Maybe Sarah Sanders was right when she said God “wanted Donald Trump to become president, and that’s why he’s here.” I was looking for a sign from above. A polar vortex is not exactly what I had in mind.
Since no one wants to take me in. I’ve decided to leave Washington. I don’t know if or when I will return.
Update (November 3, 2020/7:00 am)
After nearly two years wandering in the wilderness, Buck finally found the permanent home he sought all along.
For what it’s worth.
Dr. ESP