A PLAY IN FIVE ACTS

Cast of Characters (special all-white male cast)

• MacTrump/Donald J. Trump
• Lady MacTrump (his third wife)/Steve Bannon
• King Duncan/George W. H. Bush
• Malcolm, Prince of Dallas (1st son of Duncan)/George W. Bush
• Donalbain, Prince of Tallahassee (2nd son of Duncan)/Jeb Bush
• Macduff, Thane of Scottsdale/John McCain (understudy Lindsay Graham)
• Banquo/Kellyanne Conway (alternative male)
• The Witches/Vladimir Putin, Sergei Kislyak & Julian Assange

Act One/The Prophecy

MacTrump

So foul and fair a day I have not seen. The kingdom is a swamp.  And former kings Duncan and Malcolm knew not how to drain it.  Nor does the heir apparent Donalbain, he of low-energy.  Hark, who are these immigrants who call to me?  Speak, refugees!

The Witches

Neither immigrants nor refugees we be.  Like you, we are masters of the deal.  And if thou taketh our offer, we see a future in which you shall wear the crown.  But though you have many heirs, none shall sit on the throne after you.  Finally, beware of those you insult, for one of the targets of your contempt shall emerge to challenge you.

MacTrump

It truly is an attractive proposition, but dare I ask?  Will I be able to forge castles and fields of recreation bearing my name throughout the kingdom?

The Witches

Yes, my Lord.  They shall stand as emoluments to your legacy.

MacTrump

Then it is off to MacTrump Tower to tapp into this wellspring of good fortune.  I bid thee thanks and farewell.  And when I ascend to the White Throne you shall be amply rewarded.  (Aside: These three seem not so deplorable in mine eyes.) [Exits]