Act II: The Primary Campaign

Scene I: Mar-a-Elsinore

MacTrump (Donald J. Trump):

[Aside] Alas, back home at the Winter Castle where my beloved and I may once again consummate our confederation of spirit and purpose.  As sayeth the sages, the third time is truly the charm.  Yes, I did first choose Lady Lewandowski.  And then Lady Manafort.  Picking the best wives is more complicated than anyone hast imagined.  Behold, here cometh Lady MacTrump (Steve Bannon).

Lady MacTrump

Welcome home, my lord.  I eagerly awaited your return for I have good tidings.  Although there be no new wars and the economy is on the mend, there is a restlessness among the peasants.  And rumors swirl the throne shall be an open seat soon.  This is our destiny, oops, I mean your destiny, my lord.

MacTrump

My lady, you are mistaken.  Donalbain of Tallahassee, the second son of King Duncan is next in line.

Lady MacTrump

Agreed. But while thou was away, I frequented the local taverns and joined the forgotten patrons.  Many were inebriated yet questioned Donalbain’s commitment to rid the land of the others.  After all, does he not have a wife whose veins flow with foreign blood.? That which hath made them drunk hath made me bold.  What hath quench’d them hath given me fire.

MacTrump

Tis’ true.  Already, many thanes and fifes have expressed an interest in challenging the anointed one.

Lady MacBeth

No, my lord.  You are the anointed one.  Were you not handed the silver spoon at birth?  Did you not, at a young age, learn to be a warrior at the military academy in the Land of York? I ‘can-see-no’ way thou would fail to vanquish them all.  Bankrupt thou shall never be. Be off, my lord, there is work to do.

Scene II: Lady MacTrump’s Anteroom

MacTrump

Is this a tabloid I see before me?  A dagger of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain?  What have I done?  Surely, I shall be discovered and punished for my sins.

Lady MacTrump

Rest your conscience, my Lord.  Your tiny hands are clean.  It is your servants Breitbart and Ailes who will pay the price for their indiscretions.  You are the king.  The law no longer applies. Retire we to our chamber, a little water clears us of this deed.  And please, my lord, stop calling me Shirley.

MacTrump

Then why am I so robbed of sleep?  Arising before the cock crows, my head filled with thoughts I wish to share if only there were a way to do so. Where did you put my tablet and stylus?

Lady MacTrump

Worry not, my lord.  Everything will turn out alt-right.

[Playwright’s Note:  Students of Shakespeare will receive extra credit for identifying actual quotes from Act II of Macbeth.]