Driving from Springfield, Massachusetts to Orono, Maine on our way to Nova Scotia, my wife and I were listening to the Coffeehouse station on Sirius XM Radio. Among the selections was a number titled “Bonnie and Clyde” by Australian singer and songwriter Vance Joy. The first verse chronicles the demise of Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow just as they were going to give up their life of crime. They felt safe at last. But as we know, the only thing they actually felt were 130 rounds of Texas Ranger ammunition.
Last week, as I listened to the Donald try to weasel his way out of his latest predicament, I thought, what would it sound like if TFG had tried to help Clyde defend himself against charges of bank robbing.
Excerpts from Clyde Barrow interviews on SlyFox News:
MONDAY: I never took any of the bank’s money.
TUESDAY: I found some of the bank’s money in my home, but when asked, I gave it all back. One of my accomplices even signed a sworn statement saying I’d given it all back.
WEDNESDAY: If there is any of their money, it was planted by the Texas Rangers who raided my home. They said they had an authorized search warrant. Damn that corrupt Judge Roy Bean; he has always been anti-Barrow.
THURSDAY: I’m a bank robber. That’s my job. And like anybody else, I sometimes need to bring my work home. It’s hard to find time during the day to count it.
FRIDAY: It wasn’t really money. Just because someone stamps “legal tender” on a piece of paper, that does not make it so.
SATURDAY: It’s not like I’m the only one who takes money out of banks. Everyone does it. It’s called withdrawals. Are they raiding Willie Sutton’s home?
SUNDAY: The only reason they targeted me is they know I may apply to be the next bank CEO. It’s all financial politics.
FOLLOWING MONDAY: Before I entered the bank, I made it clear. Once the money goes out the front door, it’s automatically not money anymore. Is it my fault nobody heard me say that?
FOLLOWING TUESDAY: Under Article II of the FDIC charter, a bank robber can do anything he wants. Finance professors who have researched the issue call it the “unitary theory of bank robbing.” It’s just like Richard Nixon told David Frost, “If a president does it, it’s legal.” Shouldn’t that apply to everyone?
On Wednesday, before he could make any more excuses, Barrow was asked. “Weren’t you the one who thought bank robbers were getting off too easy with a misdemeanor charge? And didn’t you recommend that be changed to a felony with stiffer penalties, five years in prison for each offense?” To which Barrow replied, “I guess for the first time in my life, I may have been wrong.”
We can only hope!
For what it’s worth.